We are all of us prone to mildly psychotic behaviour; just witness people with their mobile phones.We function day to day just fine with our little foibles, keys in one pocket, change in another. Almost all of us routinely buy the same food every week at the same supermarket and so on.We do this primarily I think in an effort to bring security to our lives. More than 90% of us are not good at winging it. We need order, we need routine, but most of us can cope when that order and routine is disrupted. This is not the case with children who have autism. Adults who recognise they have autism cope better. They learn to understand what is going on in their thoughts and are able to better process the panic. But adults who don't know they have autism do not fare so well.

I have witnessed my son on many occasions panic when the order in his life has been disrupted. In the early days I would pander to his obvious needs, to the point of going back to the supermarket to buy the yogurt in the correct size pots, so he will in fact eat that day. Or rewinding tapes in the car cassette so he can listen to them from what he perceives is the beginning, thus avoiding his deep annoyance and dissatisfaction with life. It all affects him on a powerful emotional level and it took me several years before I began to understand what was going on and how to cope with it; to finally learning how to desensitise his reactions. Which could involve taking a small pot of yogurt he likes and emptying the contents into a large pot, but doing this in front of him. It might take more than one try.

As regards to adults with autism which has not been diagnosed I think I have learnt enough now to see that my sons mother is in fact herself autistic. Of course I am not a professional, I have no qualifications that give me the right to make such a bold statement. If this was true it would explain a hell of a lot because she was in fact faced with a child who was behaving in a way, although unsettling, that mirrored at times her own behaviour. For me it explains a lot ...