Who needs to know

Even though it is now well over a year since my son left school, rather abruptly because of the coronavirus. He is still traumatised by the bullying he received there.

The victim of bullying will feel weak and insecure, and autistic victims of bullying will feel this 5 or 10 fold more. That being the case, what exactly were they doing at my son's school to address this?

Not much it would appear, even though there was a dedicated department to support learning, and support pupils with learning difficulties they seem to do little if anything to emotionally support the pupils under their watch. 

If inclusion is the goal of modern educators then they seem ill-prepared for the emotional support they should be giving to their charges granted they are on a learning curve but it has been over 15 years now that children like my son have been included in mainstream education.

I am now faced with the challenge of helping him heal from direct attacks on his character, which he feels are solely due to his autism, and convincing him to keep seeking support in all his endeavours because of his autism.

He, however, is convinced that no one should know, at worst new people he will meet will just think him a little odd and to him, that will be a preferred outcome as opposed to explaining he was born on the spectrum.

All well and good you might think, except if he does get employment where his autism is directly challenged he will have to reveal his condition. This might not go well for him if he has previously kept it a secret.

I am certain that in the future he will see that it is no embarrassment to be on the spectrum and that he can be as open about it as anyone with particular personal challenges, but as yet he has not reached this level of maturity. 

Since my last blog my son has started a college course, with my urging, he ticked the box in the application to say he had a learning difficulty after explaining to him that only his educators would know and that they had to know so they could best teach him he reluctantly agreed to tick the box.

Of course, any attempt by the support for learning department to contact him has been ignored.None the less they are aware, and that is a plus.

I also managed to get him a job with my employers, which he earned . He was interviewed they took into account his experience working in a charity shop but sadly without my intervention he might still be applying, attending interviews and ultimately being rejected. 

I am sure though I am not the first and by no means the last parent to help their child in to their first paid employment.

Brave and Proud

 Here we are now many years since this blog started, my son now age 19. He has become a handsome young man, brave and proud, aware of his autism but not allowing it to dictate his life. In fact, he would rather it was never mentioned again.

How that will transpire in his future remains to be seen, but it is a philosophy worth pursuing for now.

The only trouble with this however is that it is not always easy for him to mask the fact he has autism, I can only imagine how difficult it can be for him sometimes. 

He has recently been applying for jobs, and when he is filling in the application, he gets to the bit where they ask him. Would you describe yourself as having a disability? He answers no, he does not want it to be known, he accepts he has autism but he does not want it to be the main part of his character. 

He has managed to secure 5 interviews but is yet to be offered employment. Something at these interviews does not go well for him.

I think because of the stigma surrounding any kind of disability, he is trying to live like he is not autistic, which when all said and done is really quite sad. But when you think of how long it has taken society to accept same-sex relationships, it is not in any way surprising. 

If something about his autism was to influence him positively if in employment his autism was invaluable to his employer, of course, it would change his opinion. That day won't come until he actually gets a job.

 In an effort to make himself more employable I supported him in applying to a local charity shop, they were happy to take him on, he works for free but the difference it made to his demeanour and general well being was palpable.

We now have to apply that to paid employment it seems so close within a whisper of his grasp and as such to me is very frustrating because I know he is more than capable of working in any kind of role. He cant however communicate his competence effectively enough to an interviewee to secure that elusive job.

Watch this space.