My son is fast approaching the end of his time at primary school ,and it feels like I am along for the ride . I am sure it is the same for any parent when their first or only child moves from primary to secondary , the fact that my son has autism does present some different challenges . Having witnessed my son's reaction in situations that he is uncomfortable with , the reaction were he completely shuts down , does not talk or move even , were he feels his best course of action is to close all communication with any human even me,( at the worst of times). It is with some trepidation that I look forward to this transition .
It has been some years now since his last dramatic reaction as described above . But the memory of these reactions have never left me. In many ways they have influenced my parenting because when he is afraid I am afraid and I do not feel it as keenly as he does .I think it is fair to say I am on high alert for any such reactions because coaxing him back to this world with minimum damage control is a delicate and very stressful challenge .
Obviously he is older now and more experienced he has learnt, by developing his own coping strategies , how to handle situations where he feels a (melt down ) approaching.
Children can and do hold their parents to ransom in certain situations, when it is a battle of wits for who gets their way , and I have always been wary of this wondering if my son's very dramatic reactions were in fact genuine . As the years pass and his reactions mellow it has become increasingly more difficult to ascertain if these melt downs are a result of his autism or him just wanting his own way . Generally as a rule of thumb, if his behaviour seems unreasonable , like any parent of any child, I react accordingly, but in certain situations; for example , I have been left trying to explain to a very determined child , why it really is not so important that his music practice is done at the same time and for the same length of time every day and why on music lesson days practice can be done.
This type of conversation leads nowhere .On certain things my son is immovable and when our exchanges of ideas and opinions is achieving little or nothing I bring these conversations to a halt.With the words ' we can both think about this and talk about it some more on another day'.
Giving us both an opportunity to regroup and hone our arguments, but what makes perfect sense to me seems completely off the chart to him . I have made a promise to my self not to play the autism card , as now he knows he has autism , I want him to reason things out without being told 'well that is your autism making you feel or think that'.
