In the October of the first year of his new school the mid term holiday loomed, I felt strongly obliged to take my son to see his mother, it seemed fair as I was not working and she was, also we would be able to visit my brother and his family.It was difficult at that time of my son's life to really tell if he was happy or excited about  going to see his mum. She had phoned him intermittently, despite me asking her to pick a day and time and pre warn me,  their conversations were always very stilted and never lasted more than a few minutes but understandable given his lack of language and her inability to except the new circumstances of our lives.   It was a long drive and as was usual he listened quietly to the 80s music I was playing on the car stereo whilst looking out of the window watching the world go by. I organised the trip so that it would pass into his sleeping time, the idea being he would sleep for most of the journey. He did sleep but at each rest stop he awoke bright and breezy I took this as excitement at the anticipation of seeing his mum again.I did not share his feelings.

The arrangement was that we would sleep the first night at my brother's house then I would take him to his mum, where he would sleep for the next two nights.Now that on paper sounds perfectly acceptable since before we split she was his main carer. In actuality this proved to be a disaster for my son .I stupidly did not prepare him for the fact that my brother had since moved to a new house, this completely disorientated the poor lad, and with little time to adjust he was whisked of to his mum. She still lived in the same house as before but by this time she had over filled the place with lodgers, so it had a completely different look and feel to it. she and I were ill prepared for this visit it was clumsy on both our parts and in hindsight I should have taken him to my brothers to sleep instead of leaving him with his mother.

Not long after I left him with his mother he went into protect mode and shut down. No eye contact, no speech only to say "where is Dad" and he said that a lot as I later found out.

I had arranged to meet up with some of my old friends, we were in a noisy restaurant being noisy I was having a good time, it was the first night out I had had for four months.I did not hear my phone and it was much later when I noticed a missed call, his mother had left a message, and as I listened to it I began to panic. "I don't know what is wrong he wont talk or eat I have tried taking him out he has just shut down" Well I immediately called back,  "Is he okay? I asked. "Yes" was the reply "He is just very quiet and keeps asking for you" Then I really started to panic. But what to do? I did not want to cause a scene, go to the house and take him home at such a late hour, I thought that would cause him more trauma.I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, and let them both tough it out. I would collect him in the morning I thought under more normal circumstances...