My son is now 12 years old . We agreed that at this age he would officially move into his bedroom, after much discussion !  I was trying to understand his need to continue to sleep in my bed even though we no longer slept together and we both agreed that 12 was a good age for him to sleep in his own room . I have  slept in his bed in his bedroom since he found the confidence to sleep alone , that was about a year ago. For the life of me I can not truly fathom the reason for this. I am pretty sure other boys of his age crave the privacy of their own room and go to their rooms at the earliest opportunity. It has created a situation in our house where neither of us really have our own space.

For most of my son's short life he has had trouble sleeping , to him it would appear it is an activity he can sacrifice for other pursuits. It took many years to establish a routine for him , my understanding of this is that he had no problem being asleep ,just getting to sleep was his greatest challenge. If you have ever lain in your bed feeling very tired but unable to fall asleep you will have some inkling of what my son goes through on a nightly basis as a matter of routine. I think the feeling of loosing wakefulness and gradual slip into sleep genuinely frightens him. Our bedtime routine is my attempt to make the transition into sleep as calm and soothing and undaunting  as is possible.

          As he grows older he becomes better at coping with the feelings he experiences, whilst falling asleep. And on nights when I am not with him , (I have managed to leave him for a total of 3 nights, he slept very successfully at my brother and sister in law's house)  when he is forced to go to sleep on his own, he has managed well but I can sense his relief when I return and we go back to his routine. He also does not like to fall asleep in complete darkness ,not unusual for any child.

As the years have passed in his so far short life I have thought long and hard about his sleeping habits, and although it appears to me that the act of falling asleep is fearful to him . Actual sleep is something he welcomes. He has many dreams which he is excited to tell me about . Very gradually, he is learning how to cope with the process of falling asleep on his own. He is better able now to reassure himself that he is safe and that no harm will come to him should he allow himself to succumb to sleep. I do feel he is still fearful of falling asleep but the brave lad he is ,has taught himself a coping strategy.With a little help from his Dad.