Not until I knew his mother was two thousand miles away did I start to realise just how jittery I had become.  I felt like I had done so much work with my son,  and he had progressed so much,  that I did not want her to  interfere but she is his mother. Her time in Scotland was for me,  a bit of a white knuckle ride. Funny how you realise things after the fact, probably better that way.

We heard nothing from her for about four weeks, then I received a phone call. She spoke as if we had just spoken the day before and asked casually to speak to our son. In hindsight, the four week gap in communication gave my son time to get used to the idea she was gone, before she left she had said to him that she would return. But in that first phone call she explained to him that she was not returning to Scotland.

As a parent of an autistic child you find yourself preparing your child for up coming events, explaining how any given day is going to unfold. Answering all questions about what will be taking place with as much clarity as is possible. You do this because if you don't your child can become very distressed. If for some reason plans are changed at short notice, well you better put aside one or two hours of your day,  while you explain why plans have changed and what instead is happening. On days when this has happened to me, I have tried to just bite the bullet and go ahead with the new plans with out any explanation, in doing so I have ruined the day and rued the day I tried it. But onward and upwards.

So on hearing the news that his mother was not in fact returning I steeled myself for a long day of explanations and comforting my son. However his response was numbness, which I think was far more upsetting for me to witness than what I was expecting. When he responds in this way it is the last straw, if you like,  there is no where else for his emotions to go, and no amount of coaxing from me could get him to talk about his feelings. I suspect because he felt like,  if he did talk about it he would not be able to control himself. Better to be silent and still or 'shut down' to use a very  descriptive phrase.

Over time he got back to his usual happy self, I look forward to the day, although it may never arrive, when we can talk about this time in his life.