It did not surprise me to come home and find that my ex had made no attempt to put my son to bed. Getting him to sleep was one of the hardest jobs of all. It could take him easily an hour from putting him in bed before he actually fell asleep. I had to lie next to him until he had fallen asleep, otherwise if I tried to move away he would grab me and pull me back. As if to him falling asleep, although he recognised it was necessary, was a fearful thing to do. I have no idea what his sleep was like. It could have been dreamless and black, it could have been full of abstract images, brightly coloured, but whatever it was that was going on in his sleep I was not to leave him until he had finally succumbed. If I miss-judged and left before he was truly asleep he would get out of bed and come looking for me. In all honesty, I think this process scared his mother and it was why she avoided it. I always felt lying next to him waiting for him to fall asleep was a huge responsibility and something not to be taken lightly. Of course, she could have been just plain lazy.

The problem was, and it was becoming ever apparent, that she was not coping well with his autism and the daily challenges it presented. Not only was I holding down a restaurant manger job, I was also becoming my sons main carer, and when I was not at work I was attending to all of his needs. Taking him to school and collecting him (this was possible on most days as I worked split shifts), taking him to his various appointments, putting him to bed, bathing him, and so on. When my one weekly day off arrived my ex disappeared and left me to look after him,  stating my day off was her day off. Much I enjoyed my time with my son, it left left me wondering when was my actual day off to recharge and rest? Something had to give ...