In the following few months life settled into a pattern with my son attending the special school and nursery, and all the child care  professionals doing their best work. Gradually we could see an improvement, but very slow, almost as if he did not want to leave his deep autistic world. Like he was having more fun in there. I used to play a game with him where I would cover us both with cushions on our couch, blocking out all light and I would pretend we were in a cave. I would call out his name and say, "It's me your father, it is too dark, I can't see you, call to me so I can guide you out." Of course he did not reply. In fact he did not reply until we had been playing that game for about 14 months."Dad, I am over here," he said in his best dramatic voice. My god! I fell off the couch. I did not say anything to him about him answering me, I just continued with the game, afraid that if I drew attention to what he had done he might get nervous and not do it again.
It is only now in writing this that I suddenly realize what it was I was saying to him.

"Call to me and I will guide you out," as if I somehow I thought that he was living in another place and I had to guide him out, which is every parents job really.Of course in playing the game I was conscious that I was adopting a technique not unlike the one they were trying at nursery: repeating his name and recording how many times he answered.

What I don't think myself and many parents factor in is the emotional depth we have to reach in order to find the place we can communicate with our autistic children. We have to go just as deep as they are to be able to connect and learn from them what it is that is happening in their labyrinthine minds. Naturally, in the UK there are no lessons about how deep you will have to go with your emotions - but it really should be on the curriculum ...