There are many challenges facing a parent of a child with autism and these challenges present themselves on a daily basis. I have found that over time I have learnt to incorporate them into our lives as if it was the most normal way to live. But then there is just the two of us. I can't imagine what it must be like in families of two or more children. For my son the essential routines he is most afraid of are baths and showers, hair cuts, and toe and finger nail cutting. To avoid the screams, and the tears, and the abject fear on his face. I used to attempt to do these tasks when he was asleep. He had a lopsided hairstyle for at least the first four years of his life and would confuse his other carers when they noticed that some of his finger nails were cut and others were not. I reasoned that in hospital people got bed baths all the time and that was considered hygienic, so why not my son. Of course this method was somewhat lacking, and every now and then I had to bite the bullet and carry out these tasks the more conventional ways.

 As far as baths were concerned, you would think I was lowering him into the bowels of hell, not a nice soothing refreshing bath. Lord only knows what the neighbours thought on those fateful evenings when I had to bath him. Over time though I have learnt to make the bath water tepid, and I came up with the idea that he could wear his swimming trunks and goggles and pretend he was at the swimming pool because he loved going there (before you ask I have no idea why).

 For his hair, it became increasingly difficult to cut it while he slept because over time it was becoming thicker. I would have to hold him or ask someone else to hold him if I tried to cut it when he was awake. I trained to be a hairdresser in the dim and distant past so I knew what I was doing, but as he got older and stronger he was able to escape my grasp. The lopsided style prevailed. One day I decided I would have to take him to the barbers, and hang the consequences. I could handle half an hour of embarrassment as he tussled with the barber for the sake of a decent haircut for once. I need not have worried. The minute he walked into the barbers he was enthralled with all of it. The noise of the clippers, the atmosphere, the people and what they were doing, the mirrors, and how the light reflected around the room. Also, the sense of the occasion, the ritual of being invited to sit, the barber getting a booster seat. He was mesmerised by it all. It was one of the best moments of my life, watching him sitting perfectly still while someone did what I had so dreadfully attempted for all those years.

 As to his finger nails; well I file them. He can bear that far better than having them cut no matter how gentle I am or how many different ways I think of distracting him or what treats I might offer him if he is a good boy. The toe nail cutting ritual has been the hardest to make a calm and matter of fact like task. For many years I just had to hold him as firmly as I could and cut the toenails as quickly and efficiently as was possible. We then went through a period of me first giving him ten minutes warning, followed by him psyching himself before the cutting. This was taking about 45 minutes at first, but over time, and now that he actually enjoys baths, I can do it when his toenails have been softened by the water ...