The experience visiting his mother, although a heart wrenching one, was invaluable,  it taught me some important lessons. I could see that taking my son out of his comfort zone could be very traumatic for him but he did recover,  he had the emotional 'where with all' to bring himself up. His mother obviously had no clue about autism and by all accounts she was not going to do anything about learning more. When we did finally talk about our fateful visit her first words were. "Well this is not going to go away" bearing in mind,  that he was now nearly six and he had had his diagnosis since he was three and six months,  and that he was diagnosed when we still all lived together. Her seemingly naive and ignorant approach was wholly incongruous. This all was enough proof for me to lay down some ground rules about seeing his mother,  I felt it was very important he maintained a relationship with her,  but I knew I had to some how protect him from the truth.

So until he was old enough (probably I was thinking around 16) he would not spend the night with her unless he asked to do so and she was completely prepared ie;she had the food he liked, she lived in a quiet house and she had things for him to do.  As far as my son was concerned,  he recovered from his ordeal and although he never said it at the time,  I think he felt living with his dad was the very best option. I have heard other parents talk about how they know what their children are thinking and even sometimes can communicate with them telepathically. What I gleaned from my son was that he was shocked at how much of a stranger his mother had become and also he had recognised her ability, intentional or not, to some how block his learning and perception. In short, her obvious frustration at his autism caused his mind to short circuit, again I have no proof of this but it seems to me, that instead of guiding him she was trying to lead and control him to a better understanding and perception of his young life.

Of course the perpetrator,  would never own up to such behaviour. That would only reflect badly on them and also shoot holes at any doting mother image they were trying to portray. It is hard not to be bitter,  but that does not serve any good purpose. When all said and done my son loves his mother and it is unconditional .Very lucky for her I am thinking,  with a bit of smoke and mirrors I can still make her seem like a devoted mum who has his best interests at heart ...