It has been some time since I have written about my son, mainly because he discovered what I was doing and asked me about it. I did not want to say it was a kind of therapy for me so I thought I better just stop especially now that he is in his teenage years. Puberty and autism are not always a good mix. I have a lot of pride and admiration for my son I know it is not easy for him.
When I think of my teenage years, and how excruciating they were, adding autism into the mix, well I can't even imagine what that must be like, and recently he has told me about some bullying he has been a victim of. He was telling me after the fact, something he does a lot, especially when it is something that has upset him greatly.
It is so true that children can be cruel, but I wonder if the children know just how cruel they can be? How much damage they are causing? Someone without autism would have trouble coping with bullying it is perhaps one of the most confusing actions, to make sense of, to a developing mind both cognitively and emotionally. When people who have been bullies, look back and remember what they did many of them are mortified by their behavior. Have little understanding of why they did it and in there later years would never contemplate taking this action again.
It comes from a place of inadequacy, of insecurity a place we all find ourselves in when we are feeling most vulnerable.
We need now in our enlightened and forward thinking society to put this abhorrent behavior into our distant past. We need to teach our young how damaging and far-reaching this behavior is towards our fellow human beings and how what you give out will eventually one day come back to you.
Friday, 10 May 2019
Tuesday, 7 November 2017
Exams
The first year of exams has arrived , and we are into the fourth month of preparation , I say , we , because I consider ourselves to be a team if you like . It has been a long road to get to this stage and I think for my son it feels like just the beginning .
When I think of all the support he has received over the years ,all the different people who have been so involved in his development , I feel somewhat humbled . I am truly amazed at his progress , from the day I was told of his diagnosis to today , he has gone above and beyond mine and many others expectations .
I hope he has had time to catch his breath , I hope that I am able to facilitate that .
Because this is the first year of many , and I don't mind admitting I am feeling the pressure , if as he hopes , he goes on to further education in college or university , it is conceivable that the next 5 or 6 years of his life will be focused around exams . A daunting prospect for any one , for a person with autism it will be a challenge indeed .
I like many other parents feel that the pressure put on children in their first year of exams ( and they are still children ) is too great , almost as if the schools have another agenda , like they have to fill quotas to secure funding . Which is unfair on the pupils .
Even more unfair on the children with autism , as I have mentioned before ' inclusion ' has only been in existence for 15 or so years in the schools in this country , and as such the systems in place are as I see it open for tweaking . Educators I feel should be mindful of the fact that , with autism emotions can be amplified and intensified , I would wager that the majority of 'High Functioning ' autistic pupils are for the most part like icebergs . when it comes to their attitude to exams , we only see 10% of what is actually going on .
But why do our children , autistic or otherwise , have to be put on the treadmill so soon . What is wrong with maybe inspiring the children to do well , rather than pressuring them to do well .The outcome is the same , and with the former I would think their enthusiasm for learning would last long into old age.
When I think of all the support he has received over the years ,all the different people who have been so involved in his development , I feel somewhat humbled . I am truly amazed at his progress , from the day I was told of his diagnosis to today , he has gone above and beyond mine and many others expectations .
I hope he has had time to catch his breath , I hope that I am able to facilitate that .
Because this is the first year of many , and I don't mind admitting I am feeling the pressure , if as he hopes , he goes on to further education in college or university , it is conceivable that the next 5 or 6 years of his life will be focused around exams . A daunting prospect for any one , for a person with autism it will be a challenge indeed .
I like many other parents feel that the pressure put on children in their first year of exams ( and they are still children ) is too great , almost as if the schools have another agenda , like they have to fill quotas to secure funding . Which is unfair on the pupils .
Even more unfair on the children with autism , as I have mentioned before ' inclusion ' has only been in existence for 15 or so years in the schools in this country , and as such the systems in place are as I see it open for tweaking . Educators I feel should be mindful of the fact that , with autism emotions can be amplified and intensified , I would wager that the majority of 'High Functioning ' autistic pupils are for the most part like icebergs . when it comes to their attitude to exams , we only see 10% of what is actually going on .
But why do our children , autistic or otherwise , have to be put on the treadmill so soon . What is wrong with maybe inspiring the children to do well , rather than pressuring them to do well .The outcome is the same , and with the former I would think their enthusiasm for learning would last long into old age.
Saturday, 2 September 2017
One size fits all
I am beginning to think that when it comes to secondary education , one size fits all . Which is not really my understanding of inclusion .
I was recently sent a text from my son's school saying ' your son is absent from school please confirm by text that he is not attending school today '.
Well my son left the house at the normal time to catch the bus to go to school . Naturally , if I am told, over an hour after he is due to be at school . That he is absent , I am going to be a little worried , given he is high functioning autistic.
When I receive texts while at work I can,t always read them immediately . The time that had elapsed since I had last seen my son that morning and reading the text was close to two hours .
I stopped what I was doing and called the school ,
I was told that he had probably arrived late and had not followed procedure ; ( signed a form at the school office , reporting his lateness ). The woman I spoke too , told me she would call me back as soon as she had located him .
I am usually calm in these situations , and can think rationally , but when my son leaves for school , that task becomes his life's work . Few other thoughts enter his head on the journey , he has a preferred seat on the bus , which is near to the bell on the bus so there will be no chance of him missing his stop . Obviously there are other pupils on the bus , but he does not rely on any one of them stopping the bus at the right stop.
I was called back within about 10 minutes and told that yes my son was at school he had arrived at 8.40 . School starts at 8.32 , he had missed registration and as there was a school assembly that day he he attended that and forgot to sign the lateness form . All was well again , a slow exhale .
I asked the woman at admin if it was possible that they could change the wording of the text , to late and not absent in these situations, and explained about my son's autism and how , when I receive these texts it sends a shiver through me .
She replied that these texts were automatically sent with out any concern given to the individual child but she would pass on my comments .
One size fits all ...............................................
I was recently sent a text from my son's school saying ' your son is absent from school please confirm by text that he is not attending school today '.
Well my son left the house at the normal time to catch the bus to go to school . Naturally , if I am told, over an hour after he is due to be at school . That he is absent , I am going to be a little worried , given he is high functioning autistic.
When I receive texts while at work I can,t always read them immediately . The time that had elapsed since I had last seen my son that morning and reading the text was close to two hours .
I stopped what I was doing and called the school ,
I was told that he had probably arrived late and had not followed procedure ; ( signed a form at the school office , reporting his lateness ). The woman I spoke too , told me she would call me back as soon as she had located him .
I am usually calm in these situations , and can think rationally , but when my son leaves for school , that task becomes his life's work . Few other thoughts enter his head on the journey , he has a preferred seat on the bus , which is near to the bell on the bus so there will be no chance of him missing his stop . Obviously there are other pupils on the bus , but he does not rely on any one of them stopping the bus at the right stop.
I was called back within about 10 minutes and told that yes my son was at school he had arrived at 8.40 . School starts at 8.32 , he had missed registration and as there was a school assembly that day he he attended that and forgot to sign the lateness form . All was well again , a slow exhale .
I asked the woman at admin if it was possible that they could change the wording of the text , to late and not absent in these situations, and explained about my son's autism and how , when I receive these texts it sends a shiver through me .
She replied that these texts were automatically sent with out any concern given to the individual child but she would pass on my comments .
One size fits all ...............................................
Wednesday, 26 July 2017
Support Group
It has been some time since we have been involved in a organised support group . In the past they have proved sometime helpful , sometimes not so much .
But this one organised by the great NHS has proved to be very successful . It has involved both my son and I attending . The parents sat in a different room from the teenagers , all boys in this case . and over 12 weeks we worked through the program .
We covered very basic things . but as it turned out invaluable for an autistic young man .
The boys were given homework , a simple exercise ,they had to phone some one from the group and engage in a conversation for at least 5 minutes . They were given prompts for the call in the form of a sheet of diagrams . With things like a ball or a TV or a computer and so on . In order that if they were struggling for something to say they could reference the sheet of diagrams .
Each week they would review the homework . How it went , how long they talked ,what they talked about how did they end the conversation . Each boy had to phone someone or receive a call and they were paired with some one different every week .
Along side the phone calls they discussed such things as joining a conversation , leaving a conversation, knowing when you are not wanted in a group conversation , but most importantly they talked about having empathy for the people they were talking to . They were learning to understand the atmosphere if you like of a conversation , be it in a group or one to one .
This has proved invaluable to my son , and he has been applying what he has learnt to different scenarios as he encounters them .
What they talked about and learnt sounds so simple , and yet when interacting with other human beings , my son was struggling .
It brought be back to all the other things he has learnt over the years and how , when they seemed so obvious to me to him they were like unlocking a deep and complex puzzle .
But this one organised by the great NHS has proved to be very successful . It has involved both my son and I attending . The parents sat in a different room from the teenagers , all boys in this case . and over 12 weeks we worked through the program .
We covered very basic things . but as it turned out invaluable for an autistic young man .
The boys were given homework , a simple exercise ,they had to phone some one from the group and engage in a conversation for at least 5 minutes . They were given prompts for the call in the form of a sheet of diagrams . With things like a ball or a TV or a computer and so on . In order that if they were struggling for something to say they could reference the sheet of diagrams .
Each week they would review the homework . How it went , how long they talked ,what they talked about how did they end the conversation . Each boy had to phone someone or receive a call and they were paired with some one different every week .
Along side the phone calls they discussed such things as joining a conversation , leaving a conversation, knowing when you are not wanted in a group conversation , but most importantly they talked about having empathy for the people they were talking to . They were learning to understand the atmosphere if you like of a conversation , be it in a group or one to one .
This has proved invaluable to my son , and he has been applying what he has learnt to different scenarios as he encounters them .
What they talked about and learnt sounds so simple , and yet when interacting with other human beings , my son was struggling .
It brought be back to all the other things he has learnt over the years and how , when they seemed so obvious to me to him they were like unlocking a deep and complex puzzle .
Friday, 20 January 2017
Talking in the car
Often my son and I talk when we are in the car . He always chooses the music , we have a vast collection of CDs in the car. I think that perhaps because we are not facing each other it makes it easier for him to talk . He is better able to talk about the things that make him tick , the things that he feels most deeply about , naturally over time he has become a fan of 80s music .
Now he tells me that he is happy to be autistic , he told me if he had a choice of being born with or with out autism , he would change nothing . To hear him say this fills me with great pride for his strength of character . He is obviously a great thinker and has been pondering his autistic status for some time now , he has recognised that the core of his being and personality are directly related to the fact he was born with autism .
He is an avid researcher and finds the internet a god send for some one like him , I don't know but I suspect he has been reading about Temple Grandin who is a great spokesperson for autistic people , as she is herself . In her own life she has had to overcome many difficulties .
At age 15 to say that he is happy with himself is a true achievement , given all the other obstacles to navigate in teenage . My hope is that he will start to recognise the advantages of autism , how it hones his clarity of thought , how it helps him to focus , how it helps when there are choices to be made and how much easier it seems for him , to find what he wants or needs .
Unlike so many of his peers , he does not run with the crowd . he does his own thing . It would appear that he does not have to contend with the clumsy feelings of inadequacy which so often visit his teenage schoolmates . It would seem that after watching the experiences of other teenagers , he feels at an advantage . Not that autism desensitises , far from it , but it does allow for a clearer view on the world . He is probably the least confused teenager I have met .
I am aware though that it is still early days and the future is full of new challenges , not least if romance should ever come his way . For the moment though I will savour this time a true achievement .
Now he tells me that he is happy to be autistic , he told me if he had a choice of being born with or with out autism , he would change nothing . To hear him say this fills me with great pride for his strength of character . He is obviously a great thinker and has been pondering his autistic status for some time now , he has recognised that the core of his being and personality are directly related to the fact he was born with autism .
He is an avid researcher and finds the internet a god send for some one like him , I don't know but I suspect he has been reading about Temple Grandin who is a great spokesperson for autistic people , as she is herself . In her own life she has had to overcome many difficulties .
At age 15 to say that he is happy with himself is a true achievement , given all the other obstacles to navigate in teenage . My hope is that he will start to recognise the advantages of autism , how it hones his clarity of thought , how it helps him to focus , how it helps when there are choices to be made and how much easier it seems for him , to find what he wants or needs .
Unlike so many of his peers , he does not run with the crowd . he does his own thing . It would appear that he does not have to contend with the clumsy feelings of inadequacy which so often visit his teenage schoolmates . It would seem that after watching the experiences of other teenagers , he feels at an advantage . Not that autism desensitises , far from it , but it does allow for a clearer view on the world . He is probably the least confused teenager I have met .
I am aware though that it is still early days and the future is full of new challenges , not least if romance should ever come his way . For the moment though I will savour this time a true achievement .
Tuesday, 27 September 2016
Adapt the syllabus
If I was in charge of my sons education ? What would I do ?
The education system in this , or any other country , for that matter , is by no means perfect . And as far as educating children on the autistic spectrum who attend main stream school . Well I would venture it is still in its infancy . There is more to be learned about how autistic children learn . My son watches and listens intently at first before he actually does anything , which really confuses some teachers . but once he has assimilated what he feels is enough information , he takes part .
This , I don't think is the way all autistic children learn , but I am sure there are a lot who do. He has a photographic memory and is able to store information in his mind unlike the majority of the population . When he wants he can find the information , It was explained to me once that he learns in steps , first on a flat bit , then a steep climb , then on a flat bit again . The flat bit is the assimilating part , the climb is the learning . Which he does voraciously .
Would I have classrooms full of only autistic children ? No
Would I have autistic children integrated ? Most definitely .
Would I single out those children . Separate their learning from non autistic children ? Not in secondary school .
Would I adapt the syllabus in order to teach the class as a whole . !00% yes .
Because that is real life . As I know you have heard many times , it takes all sorts to make a world ,
I don't actually know if my son's classes are adapted to accommodate his autism , I do know that he receives support . Which to a teenage boy ( or girl ) autistic or not , could prove to be embarrassing . I must ask more questions when I am invited to his educational meetings . But it seems to be coming clear to me now , that the teachers are on a learning curve as far as educating children on the spectrum,
I don't expect them to admit to that , why would they , it would come across as unprofessional . It can be frustrating though , as parents of autistic children are by the nature of their experiences , the experts. But so far to date we are not involved collectively in the structuring of the curriculum .
I have attended forums , organised to improve the holiday playscheme's of autistic children but not forums on their education . Forums such as this , I think could go a long way to help better educate our autistic teenagers .
The education system in this , or any other country , for that matter , is by no means perfect . And as far as educating children on the autistic spectrum who attend main stream school . Well I would venture it is still in its infancy . There is more to be learned about how autistic children learn . My son watches and listens intently at first before he actually does anything , which really confuses some teachers . but once he has assimilated what he feels is enough information , he takes part .
This , I don't think is the way all autistic children learn , but I am sure there are a lot who do. He has a photographic memory and is able to store information in his mind unlike the majority of the population . When he wants he can find the information , It was explained to me once that he learns in steps , first on a flat bit , then a steep climb , then on a flat bit again . The flat bit is the assimilating part , the climb is the learning . Which he does voraciously .
Would I have classrooms full of only autistic children ? No
Would I have autistic children integrated ? Most definitely .
Would I single out those children . Separate their learning from non autistic children ? Not in secondary school .
Would I adapt the syllabus in order to teach the class as a whole . !00% yes .
Because that is real life . As I know you have heard many times , it takes all sorts to make a world ,
I don't actually know if my son's classes are adapted to accommodate his autism , I do know that he receives support . Which to a teenage boy ( or girl ) autistic or not , could prove to be embarrassing . I must ask more questions when I am invited to his educational meetings . But it seems to be coming clear to me now , that the teachers are on a learning curve as far as educating children on the spectrum,
I don't expect them to admit to that , why would they , it would come across as unprofessional . It can be frustrating though , as parents of autistic children are by the nature of their experiences , the experts. But so far to date we are not involved collectively in the structuring of the curriculum .
I have attended forums , organised to improve the holiday playscheme's of autistic children but not forums on their education . Forums such as this , I think could go a long way to help better educate our autistic teenagers .
Monday, 25 July 2016
Cross the Ts dot the I s
Just when you think everything is cruising along . All the t;s are crossed i;s dotted not even a thought to the p;s and q;s .
I have been looking for some time now for a club or group my son could join ,one that caters for teenagers on the spectrum . I have noticed in the past how he visibly relaxes when he knows he will be joining other children who face the same challenges as he does. He has a good friend who is also ASD (high functioning ) and they enjoy spending time together . Naturally they have an unspoken understanding of one another ,an understanding neither could share with some one of their own age, not on the spectrum .
For some reason the clubs for teenage autistic children start at age 15 , somebody made that decision it would seem without actually asking anybody who had an autistic 13 or 14 year old . Hard enough as it is to be autistic and a teenager , but to be lumped in with children younger than yourself . I am sure a person is going to start to feel like a spare part .
As it was I found a club that I thought he would like to join . So at the appropriate moment I suggested to my son that it might be a good idea or maybe even a great idea to join said club .
' Oh no ' came the reply . ' There is no way I am joining any club ' he said adamantly .
' I want to be seen as a normal boy I don't want to join some autistic club ' .
' Well ' I said ' First of all let me tell you there is no such thing as normal ' then after taking a deep breath and digesting what he had just told me .
I said . ' That is fine , no problem , if you don't want to then you certainly don't have to '.
For a moment I found myself longing for the days when he was younger when it was so much simpler , with none of the teenage angst to contend with . One thing was certain he had made it very clear to me how he was feeling at this stage of his development . I spent a little time trying to explain my understanding of what normal is and how in fact there really is no such thing , every living human has some quirk or slightly eccentric view of the world . If we could read the thoughts of our fellow passengers on the bus of a morning , we would I am sure be most surprised and perhaps a little overwhelmed by what we were discovering about the ''normal human condition ''.
My response to his reaction , was I felt clumsy , but I did my level best to take the opportunity to help him understand that basically . ' It takes all sorts to make a world ' as my Grandma used to say .
I have been looking for some time now for a club or group my son could join ,one that caters for teenagers on the spectrum . I have noticed in the past how he visibly relaxes when he knows he will be joining other children who face the same challenges as he does. He has a good friend who is also ASD (high functioning ) and they enjoy spending time together . Naturally they have an unspoken understanding of one another ,an understanding neither could share with some one of their own age, not on the spectrum .
For some reason the clubs for teenage autistic children start at age 15 , somebody made that decision it would seem without actually asking anybody who had an autistic 13 or 14 year old . Hard enough as it is to be autistic and a teenager , but to be lumped in with children younger than yourself . I am sure a person is going to start to feel like a spare part .
As it was I found a club that I thought he would like to join . So at the appropriate moment I suggested to my son that it might be a good idea or maybe even a great idea to join said club .
' Oh no ' came the reply . ' There is no way I am joining any club ' he said adamantly .
' I want to be seen as a normal boy I don't want to join some autistic club ' .
' Well ' I said ' First of all let me tell you there is no such thing as normal ' then after taking a deep breath and digesting what he had just told me .
I said . ' That is fine , no problem , if you don't want to then you certainly don't have to '.
For a moment I found myself longing for the days when he was younger when it was so much simpler , with none of the teenage angst to contend with . One thing was certain he had made it very clear to me how he was feeling at this stage of his development . I spent a little time trying to explain my understanding of what normal is and how in fact there really is no such thing , every living human has some quirk or slightly eccentric view of the world . If we could read the thoughts of our fellow passengers on the bus of a morning , we would I am sure be most surprised and perhaps a little overwhelmed by what we were discovering about the ''normal human condition ''.
My response to his reaction , was I felt clumsy , but I did my level best to take the opportunity to help him understand that basically . ' It takes all sorts to make a world ' as my Grandma used to say .
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