Like many parents of an autistic child I have read many things, relating to the subject . I have even read about the practice of masking, employed extensively by autistic people, but for some reason I never associated that with my son's behaviour.
Possibly because I was always looking for ways to support him and when he was in my company; well he didn't need to mask. The problem for him was when he was at school, he obviously felt he needed to mask there because of the cruel way teenagers can treat their peers, and given just how cruel they can be, even about the smallest of things ...........
There is a strong argument for providing education for these cruel teenagers about autism and about just being a nice person in the world.
If masking is successful in protecting an autistic person from ridicule and derision then obviously it will be their default setting, until they get to the safety of their own home. The emotional and to a certain extent physical effort needed for masking is I am certain hugely draining .
On reflection it is glaringly apparent that my son was putting on his mask every day he left home to go to school and subsequently to College, now thankfully that he is at university he does not feel the need to mask , in fact diversity is celebrated by him and his peers , he has also met and made friends with other autistic people and he has contacted a local charity, set up to support autistic adults. In addition he has been attending therapy sessions (all to the good ).
I can't help thinking though that he would be in a much better place in his general happiness if our society could just catch up and get with the programme.
As far as I am concerned, well I can search my soul, all I want, to find the reason I did not recognise he was masking but it does not change the past.
As to the future though, I hope to one day be able to talk to my son about his experiences at school and other dark times, I suppose parents never really forgive themselves , its just how it is , but I can at least recognise what happened so as to better understand my son in the future.
I mean, just having this light bulb moment has given me a better understanding of my son.
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