As part of my drive to encourage more independence in my son I have bought him an alarm clock. We had a practice run , I showed him how to turn it off and told him it was only for school mornings or days when we had to be up early . The idea being that he will get used to getting himself out of bed . Well the first morning was really quite dramatic, I off course was expecting it to go off so was waiting in anticipation for his reaction.
The sound of the ringing was drowned by my son shouting "Oh my God Oh my God ". As he dived to grab the clock and turn off the alarm. To his credit though he did not complain and it was not until the third day, of these rude awakenings, that he asked me why I had decided to get him an alarm clock." Well " I said "now that it is getting close to you going to high school , I thought it would good for you to be more independent, getting up in the morning on your own , Is part of that"
"Oh " he replied "OK" and said nothing more .
I know my son wants to grow up and do grown up things, I know he is excited about going to High school and I am counting on his enthusiasm for this new time in his life , to inspire more independence in him. I am hoping he will be swept along on the tide of all of his peers and their first steps into young adult hood . But it is definitely not a case of sink or swim ,he will receive a lot of support.
At the High School he will attend they have a special department set up for children such as him. At present his head teacher is applying for a tablet for him to use at school. He will be allocated a 'buddy' to help him .I am sure it will be quite daunting for him to have to pack up everything every hour or so to move from class to class. There is also a quiet room where he can escape too if it all gets to much and it will be explained to him that he can do this at any time. The amount of pupils at the High School is about 5 times the amount at his primary.That in itself gives my son a challenge along with all the other things he will be trying to cope with.
I am confidant though, that I will be the one having a panic attack before him.
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Friday, 8 November 2013
Pondering the future
I find myself of late pondering the future ,not mine you understand but my sons ,having negotiated most of primary school with few incidents, my son is now in his last year. He will begin secondary in August of 2014. If I don't take him to the secondary he will have to get a bus .So we are going to have a few practice runs, where I will gradually introduce him to independent travel. First I think I will travel on the bus with him looking at the various landmarks,then he can do the trip himself. I remember myself at that age worrying when I was on the bus that I might miss my stop.So this is likely to be a very interesting time.
As I am a lone parent,( as we are now called officially ) and only work part time, I often think about, my son's ability to be independent. I would like very much to be able to work full time but this is not looking likely for at least the next year or so. At present on the school mornings, although I do not have to dress him any more, he takes a very long time to dress himself unless I am constantly encouraging him . To think of him doing this alone, because I would be starting work around 5 or 6 in the morning , is inconceivable to me. Preparing himself breakfast is another hurdle to overcome. The one constant in his behaviour is his habit of going off task. He has overcome so many things , he tries new foods, he is less afraid of cats and dogs , his writing improves on a weekly basis. But teaching him to concentrate on one thing and one thing only until that thing is done is proving to be very difficult.
It is not as if he does not have a sense of urgency, because he most definitely does. When there is something he is interested in, a new Dr Who, a new bop it toy, an opportunity to skype with his mum he is very motivated. But he can not seem to muster that motivation at will for some of the more mundane tasks in life. We are all of us after all doing something at some point in our days as an end to a means and the more mundane activities in life are unavoidable , but sadly necessary.
I am at a loss as to how to convey to him that, his dressing slowly has a direct effect on what time he gets to school. Almost as if he see's the things he does as little play-lets, which he subsequently pigeon holes in a place in his brain .The more interesting play-lets he summons in to his mind at will when he is involved in a less interesting task, ie getting dressed for school. This can then lead to him laughing loudly with a look of satisfaction on his face."Why are you laughing " I will ask.
"I am laughing about "..................... and then he will relate something to me that may have happened weeks, months, or even years ago.
If he has a reason for anything that he is doing he does it with great focus, if he perceives what ever task he is on, as important, then the task gets done diligently. I am hoping that as he enters puberty and starts to take more of an interest in his appearance (not just dressing up) perhaps then he will be more independent dressing himself in the morning. Only time will tell .
As I am a lone parent,( as we are now called officially ) and only work part time, I often think about, my son's ability to be independent. I would like very much to be able to work full time but this is not looking likely for at least the next year or so. At present on the school mornings, although I do not have to dress him any more, he takes a very long time to dress himself unless I am constantly encouraging him . To think of him doing this alone, because I would be starting work around 5 or 6 in the morning , is inconceivable to me. Preparing himself breakfast is another hurdle to overcome. The one constant in his behaviour is his habit of going off task. He has overcome so many things , he tries new foods, he is less afraid of cats and dogs , his writing improves on a weekly basis. But teaching him to concentrate on one thing and one thing only until that thing is done is proving to be very difficult.
It is not as if he does not have a sense of urgency, because he most definitely does. When there is something he is interested in, a new Dr Who, a new bop it toy, an opportunity to skype with his mum he is very motivated. But he can not seem to muster that motivation at will for some of the more mundane tasks in life. We are all of us after all doing something at some point in our days as an end to a means and the more mundane activities in life are unavoidable , but sadly necessary.
I am at a loss as to how to convey to him that, his dressing slowly has a direct effect on what time he gets to school. Almost as if he see's the things he does as little play-lets, which he subsequently pigeon holes in a place in his brain .The more interesting play-lets he summons in to his mind at will when he is involved in a less interesting task, ie getting dressed for school. This can then lead to him laughing loudly with a look of satisfaction on his face."Why are you laughing " I will ask.
"I am laughing about "..................... and then he will relate something to me that may have happened weeks, months, or even years ago.
If he has a reason for anything that he is doing he does it with great focus, if he perceives what ever task he is on, as important, then the task gets done diligently. I am hoping that as he enters puberty and starts to take more of an interest in his appearance (not just dressing up) perhaps then he will be more independent dressing himself in the morning. Only time will tell .
Tuesday, 10 September 2013
Life with flow
We all of us wish for our lives to have flow ,I would bet that the majority of the working population ,arrive at work within one or two minutes of the same time every working day.If for some reason this routine is interrupted ,for example: bus breaks down or an accident on the road ,our initial reaction is one of panic , tainted with a sprinkle of anger, flavored with frustration. Now all of these are unsettling feelings and in an autistic person they are greatly heightened .In an autistic child the emotion is magnified even greater.The trick is to learn to cope with these emotions and go on with our day unruffled.
As my son gets older , he is becoming better able to handle the little upsets life puts in front of us ,but I have also noticed that I have been working hard to make his day go as smoothly as is possible. And not just for his peace of mind .I have become so adept at this that I find I am following routines as much as he is. It was at this realisation that I decided I needed to shake things up a bit .So I have tried from time to time to do the unexpected .Go swimming in the morning instead of afternoon , go on a Saturday instead of Sunday serve pizza on Tuesday (normally pasta night) instead of a Monday, or my god ! As well as a Monday .Not very radical you might think but for my son quite major events to cope with. I have been trying this for some months now and it seems he is learning to better cope with the unexpected. Although when I mentioned I would like to change the supermarket we visit he actually pleaded with me not to.
Off course we are all very aware of how life does not always go the way we plan , and we all have our own coping strategies, whether we know it or not .Deep breathing helps me I find ,and also trying to find the funny side of a situation that has gone wrong. For my son though I am not entirely sure what goes on in his mind when things don't go to plan .I do know that he is capable of severe panic , but lately I have noticed he responds well when I ask him to calm down and just think for a minute. He has recognised the benefit of thinking through the apparent disaster (the swimming pool is closed; and so on) it improves how he is feeling calms his fast beating heart, he is I think realizing that Dad might actually know what he is talking about.
As my son gets older , he is becoming better able to handle the little upsets life puts in front of us ,but I have also noticed that I have been working hard to make his day go as smoothly as is possible. And not just for his peace of mind .I have become so adept at this that I find I am following routines as much as he is. It was at this realisation that I decided I needed to shake things up a bit .So I have tried from time to time to do the unexpected .Go swimming in the morning instead of afternoon , go on a Saturday instead of Sunday serve pizza on Tuesday (normally pasta night) instead of a Monday, or my god ! As well as a Monday .Not very radical you might think but for my son quite major events to cope with. I have been trying this for some months now and it seems he is learning to better cope with the unexpected. Although when I mentioned I would like to change the supermarket we visit he actually pleaded with me not to.
Off course we are all very aware of how life does not always go the way we plan , and we all have our own coping strategies, whether we know it or not .Deep breathing helps me I find ,and also trying to find the funny side of a situation that has gone wrong. For my son though I am not entirely sure what goes on in his mind when things don't go to plan .I do know that he is capable of severe panic , but lately I have noticed he responds well when I ask him to calm down and just think for a minute. He has recognised the benefit of thinking through the apparent disaster (the swimming pool is closed; and so on) it improves how he is feeling calms his fast beating heart, he is I think realizing that Dad might actually know what he is talking about.
Thursday, 8 August 2013
Not a disability
I can not describe my son as having a disability, although that is what the professionals say. I can not say that he suffers ,because I am very sure that he does not .In fact he seems to find fun and pleasure in the most abstract of things unlike the rest of us. In an effort though to somehow understand him and to have a better insight into how he is different from other children without autism . I sometimes compare him with what I call a 'natural boy'. For example a natural boy would not run down the street laughing and screaming and making noises (not one of eleven , anyhow) A natural boy would tell his parents when he was hungry, he would also eat voraciously unlike my son.
I do not for one minute think that my son should be like the natural boy but I do gain some insight into what is going on inside my sons head . I think it is worth making a comparison. One important reason being it helps me to worry less when my son displays behaviour that is somewhat odd to the outsider, one who has little or no experience of autism might panic when faced with a child who insists on finishing books on certain days or takes two hours to eat a bowl of pasta (especially when it does not taste just right).
It is not the behaviour that troubles me, it is though, the fact that it persists, all be it in a milder form as he gets older. And that is where the 'natural boy ' comes in handy. I see that my son has the same aspirations as the natural boy he wants more or less the same things he just goes about them in a different way .
My heart was in my mouth as I watched my son cross a road, not a busy one I must add, he started a running commentary on what he was doing and waved cars to go past him as he calculated the timing of when to cross, he also jumped in the air several times when he realised his timing was off. He succeeded in getting across the road , eventually . Much to my relief, I congratulated myself on not intervening and felt that he could be trusted in the future.
Some might say it would be better just to except my son the way he is and get on with it , which for the most part is what I do . But , the fact is he will one day have to join the rest of the world , the world where there are more natural boys than autistic boys . A understanding of both to me at least is helpful.
I do not for one minute think that my son should be like the natural boy but I do gain some insight into what is going on inside my sons head . I think it is worth making a comparison. One important reason being it helps me to worry less when my son displays behaviour that is somewhat odd to the outsider, one who has little or no experience of autism might panic when faced with a child who insists on finishing books on certain days or takes two hours to eat a bowl of pasta (especially when it does not taste just right).
It is not the behaviour that troubles me, it is though, the fact that it persists, all be it in a milder form as he gets older. And that is where the 'natural boy ' comes in handy. I see that my son has the same aspirations as the natural boy he wants more or less the same things he just goes about them in a different way .
My heart was in my mouth as I watched my son cross a road, not a busy one I must add, he started a running commentary on what he was doing and waved cars to go past him as he calculated the timing of when to cross, he also jumped in the air several times when he realised his timing was off. He succeeded in getting across the road , eventually . Much to my relief, I congratulated myself on not intervening and felt that he could be trusted in the future.
Some might say it would be better just to except my son the way he is and get on with it , which for the most part is what I do . But , the fact is he will one day have to join the rest of the world , the world where there are more natural boys than autistic boys . A understanding of both to me at least is helpful.
Thursday, 11 July 2013
Medication
Since my son first received his diagnosis I have resisted using any medication of any kind, his mother had read that a lactose free diet might relieve the symptoms of autism I was willing to try that, but to no avail. As it was, his diet did not consist of more than a glass of milk a day, so hardly the cause of his autism. Many parents I am sure agonize over whether or not their child should be on some kind of medication .I think personally that a child has a lot of developing to do psychically and emotionally and drugs will only stunt that development there are ways to stimulate a child with autism, to calm them , give them focus , and channel their frustrations in a different direction. I would rather my son spent two hours playing computer games than being subdued by some drug .
I have read about squeeze boxes, where the child can be squeezed for want of a better word. The pressure put on their bodies has a very calming affect and this effect can last some hours after the pressure has been taken away. Off course anything that fascinates your child or distracts their attention away from disruptive behaviour can only be a good thing, and just as effective as any drug. A good method is too create a place where the lighting is low and there are no distractions except perhaps soothing music or sounds. It is difficult but not impossible to get inside the mind of your autistic child . Their hypersensitivity magnifies every experience so it would follow that removing any kind of stimulus from their immediate vicinity would have a calming effect. Surprising as it may seem autistic children can be reasoned with, if you can find the right reasons for them not to behave disruptively they can and will see sense. They do after all have a very linear way of thinking.
I think it is important to note that the drugs are being administered primarily to control behaviour. Not to cure a physical ailment. These drugs do not eradicate autism , and I think I owe it to my child to at least allow him the chance to learn to live with his autism on his own terms. I also feel that it is important not only to research the drugs but also the person administering the drugs.(what are their reasons ,why have they come to their conclusions).
When all said and done, medication can and does help, some very mild antidepressants for example have shown to enhance the lives of autistic people. However I personally will continue to resist the use of them unless I can see no other course .
I have read about squeeze boxes, where the child can be squeezed for want of a better word. The pressure put on their bodies has a very calming affect and this effect can last some hours after the pressure has been taken away. Off course anything that fascinates your child or distracts their attention away from disruptive behaviour can only be a good thing, and just as effective as any drug. A good method is too create a place where the lighting is low and there are no distractions except perhaps soothing music or sounds. It is difficult but not impossible to get inside the mind of your autistic child . Their hypersensitivity magnifies every experience so it would follow that removing any kind of stimulus from their immediate vicinity would have a calming effect. Surprising as it may seem autistic children can be reasoned with, if you can find the right reasons for them not to behave disruptively they can and will see sense. They do after all have a very linear way of thinking.
I think it is important to note that the drugs are being administered primarily to control behaviour. Not to cure a physical ailment. These drugs do not eradicate autism , and I think I owe it to my child to at least allow him the chance to learn to live with his autism on his own terms. I also feel that it is important not only to research the drugs but also the person administering the drugs.(what are their reasons ,why have they come to their conclusions).
When all said and done, medication can and does help, some very mild antidepressants for example have shown to enhance the lives of autistic people. However I personally will continue to resist the use of them unless I can see no other course .
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Will there be a cure
So much has been said about autism, but still really little is know about where it comes from and why it is here.We understand how to treat it and how to get great results from all children on the spectrum but we are still not certain what causes it and if we do discover what causes it will we then be able to cure it ? I think not because to me I feel it is so deep routed in the psyche of the autistic person that it is in fact part of their character just like being artistic or musical or whatever.In my experience it is not just black and white, all autistic children are different . Agreed they follow some similar behaviour patterns, but when you get down to it they all have their very own characteristics .I have yet to meet an autistic child with a nasty bone in their body though.
When I think of my son , I am sure he is blessed, I have heard from other parents of autistic children , they tell me their child is ridiculed at school and many have moved their child to a special school where they have in fact flourished . Sadly though this is not the ideal , because ultimately the child will eventually have to leave that school and live in the world. But none of that has come my son's way. True I did give the evil eye to a few of his class mates from time to time if I thought they were giving my son a hard time, I don't know how far that went to protect him from cruel jibes .I know that he himself tried to work it out with some of his less friendly classmates , by facing them and asking them what their problem was. Very courages on his part, but he does not see it that way , to him he had to get to the bottom of why he was being treated in a negative way. Now it seems he is almost the class mascot his class mates have embraced his differences and now even protect him if necessary.
All of this takes a weight of my shoulders, because as he moves into his final year of primary I can bask in the knowledge he will be attending main stream secondary school .
Sunday, 5 May 2013
First year in Scotland
In my son's first year at his Scottish school and his first Christmas in his new life, he was about to become involved in the School Christmas assembly, to which the parents of P1 and P2 are invited. Several weeks prior to this event the teachers had been preparing the children as there was a song and some acting involved and most of the children had lines to learn. Up until about two days before the assembly my sons teacher was committed to have him be involved, but at the final rehearsal she felt that he was just not ready, he was not focusing and although he knew his lines he was not delivering them with any consistency. So it was with great reluctance she made the decision to exclude him .Instead he was to sit with his learning assistant and she would guide him through the proceedings. He did get to dress up though, new white shirt and a very colorful bow tie.
While watching the assembly I could see he was very excited, and that his teacher had made the right decision. Although at the time it saddened me I still drew comfort and warmth from watching him obviously enjoying himself and also I could see very clearly how well he was being looked after.
Every year at assembly his role has grown and gradually over time he has been given more and more to do. Until his last performance, where he performed a magic trick and sang a song (Where did you get that hat ?) With great aplomb. He is now capable of doing this because of all the hard work and effort put in by all the people who have been with him every step of the way. For about three years now he has been attending a drama club, where when I first asked how they felt about having an autistic boy in their class they replied "not a problem".
Once a week he has guitar lessons and again his teachers (A husband and wife team) have no problem in teaching a boy on the spectrum. Some of the people he encounters in his life have an understanding of his autism and some just go with the flow, the fact is his character is celebrated not suppressed, his light is allowed to shine at every opportunity. Only on a few occasions has he encountered fear at his obvious difference from others. Fear and ignorance. For the most part though he has faced very little prejudice and although I think that some of that has to do with the fact he looks like most other children, in fact he is really quite handsome , I feel I can still celebrate the society I live in, for it's forward thinking.
While watching the assembly I could see he was very excited, and that his teacher had made the right decision. Although at the time it saddened me I still drew comfort and warmth from watching him obviously enjoying himself and also I could see very clearly how well he was being looked after.
Every year at assembly his role has grown and gradually over time he has been given more and more to do. Until his last performance, where he performed a magic trick and sang a song (Where did you get that hat ?) With great aplomb. He is now capable of doing this because of all the hard work and effort put in by all the people who have been with him every step of the way. For about three years now he has been attending a drama club, where when I first asked how they felt about having an autistic boy in their class they replied "not a problem".
Once a week he has guitar lessons and again his teachers (A husband and wife team) have no problem in teaching a boy on the spectrum. Some of the people he encounters in his life have an understanding of his autism and some just go with the flow, the fact is his character is celebrated not suppressed, his light is allowed to shine at every opportunity. Only on a few occasions has he encountered fear at his obvious difference from others. Fear and ignorance. For the most part though he has faced very little prejudice and although I think that some of that has to do with the fact he looks like most other children, in fact he is really quite handsome , I feel I can still celebrate the society I live in, for it's forward thinking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)